When my boyfriend told me “he wasn’t ready” for marriage, I thought my life was over Time after time I’d met and dated great men, but at that critical period when we were about to move forward to a true commitment, things would fall apart.
I started to think that men just won’t commit. That they just didn’t have the commitment gene.
But then I figured out something incredible - that I could absolutely inspire that “forever feeling” in a man. That I could be the person in the relationship deciding whether or not I was satisfied, rather than waiting for him to “come around.”
Mistakes many women make, and I needed to do something about it. First;
1. Focusing On Events, Not Feelings
We women are taught to believe that events, and the time we “put in,” MEAN SOMETHING to a man. If he’s introduced us to his family or friends at work we’re on cloud nine. We think of these as milestones moving us closer to commitment and marriage. And we couldn’t be more wrong.
Time means NOTHING to a man. Sometimes, being in a comfortable HOLDING PATTERN with us is EXACTLY what he has in mind! They spend time with us, but then they go and commit to someone else.
Unless we can get into our man’s heart, and let him into ours to create a deep emotional bond, we DOOM ourselves to a superficial level that will never lead to a lifelong commitment.
Thinking Exclusive = Committed
many of us have been comfortable in a relationship, only to have the man you are with meet someone else, or tell you he’s “found someone who really gets me.” How can it be that a man who is exclusive with you can “fall for” someone else so easily? It’s because he was not committed to you.
Oftentimes, women focus on getting a man to be exclusive - but this is only a temporary state. Instead, you need to focus on getting him committed to you. When that happens, he’ll be exclusive AND won’t “fall for” another woman ever again!
Talking About Your Relationship, Not Creating It
Often when women feel their man becoming distant, they decide to TALK to him about it. To ask how he’s feeling, why he’s acting this way, or where the relationship is going.
When you talk to a man about your relationship, you have the OPPOSITE effect on him than you intend. Though we often hear men say how much they hate how “emotional\"women are - this is exactly the part they CRAVE. They are so stuck in their brains, so much of the time, that if we’re stuck in ours, they can’t connect to us.
Every time we TALK about the relationship, it feels to him like a laundry list of to do items instead of INSPIRING a man to want to be with us.
You Panic… He Leaves
Because we know that “Lifelong-Commitment” is a frightening thing to a man, we’re often afraid to say or do anything that might scare him more.
It’s easy to get paralyzed by fear and anger and stop being ourselves. We stop being the fun, relaxed women who he originally fell for who made him happy. This takes us further AWAY from the commitment we want.
Thats the mistakes many of us commit.
In my relationship, I focused on getting my sense of POWER back, instead of trying to get HIM. I remembered everything I did in the very beginning of our relationship, when he couldn’t get enough of me and was totally chasing me. Instead of working so hard at the relationship, I worked hard on myself and on the rest of my life. I told myself that I’d be all right no matter what, and that if I stuck to my own plan, I’d have the relationship I wanted, even if it wasn’t with him.
And that’s when things REALLY started to MOVE.