FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

I was born and raised in a family where domestic violence was a story of the day and living like that really taught me a lot. Women were taken for granted and at some point it took out their  joy and lived as slaves and subjected themselves to pain,endless tears and fear.

I grew up knowing that women in marriages experienced all this and it hurt me deep inside. Never had marriage or being in a relationship crossed my mind even for a little bit.It hurt me so bad on seeing my own blood father hit and kick my mother mercilessly as though love didn\'t exist between them. What hurt even more was seeing my mother the next day nursing her own wounds with salty warm water and it broke my heart. When I asked her to take us and leave but she just couldn\'t come into terms with that. She said you will understand when you are older.

I couldn\'t understand why a woman would subject herself to such pain for unknown reasons. I detested my father and all men to be specific and this drove very bitter anger in my heart to a level that I could kill a man who would try to approach me.

Luckily and  unluckily my mother was sent to rest in the year two thousand and eight. I was both happy and sad,mixed feelings engulfed me,but I knew she was at a better place and that gave me solace. I was however sad because we were very young and we were left under care of the man that I hated the most.

I grew up and still with hate in my heart,unlike other teenage girls of my age,I didn\'t get into relationships. I felt sorrow in my heart over and over and it was like an endless chain. At almost twenty seven years,most of my friends were already getting married,having kids of their own and enjoying life. Then I learnt that through most of their marriages worked out well. From that I knew that there was more to marriage life than pain,tears and fear of the unknown.

However much I couldn\'t come into terms with myself that I would settle down and have kids with a man that would turn out to be like my dad,really broke me. I gathered myself and said a little prayer and God heard me. He brought a man to my rescue. A  man that fears God and would fight anything to keep his marriage a float. I grew to love him and it really brought out the good in me. I knew that deep inside I would make a great mother and wife to this man that I bestowed my heart  to. Three years down the line in marriage but I still have that small voice in me “what if?” I have lived like this for ages and I knew it was time to let go for the good of me and the growth of my amazing family. I had to get rid of the fear of the unknown.

Comment

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    Elixirs ( User )
    • 2020-10-11 10:33:39

    -: Wow 🥺.

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    Annesly42 ( User )
    • 2020-10-11 10:33:39

    -: Amazing.